I realized that due to the many random feelings that my medications provoke, I often feel like a puppeteer that is manipulating this body from a distance. I only forget about this feeling when I am in adrenaline mode or doing some sort of strenuous activity, which is counter-intuitive, but true.

I absolutely understand why people become addicted to pain-killers, but luckily that doesn’t seem to be my fate as I have found some ways to distract from the constant reminder of decay and illness.