an old tow truck carrying an old flying saucer

About the Area 51 Raid

That super secret base Area 51 is in the news again this week, well, not quite the news but the memesphere for sure. If for some reason, I am your first contact with this story, let me catch you up before it vanishes into the digital dustbin. Basically, in a post that may or may not have been a hoax, someone on the internet who is also an anime fan suggested that if thousands of true-believers charged Area 51, the government wouldn’t be able to stop them. People, some of whom thought it was a joke, and some who didn’t pledged their virtual selves to be there on the date of this lemming-charge. There are so many things wrong with this idea that is hard to start, frankly. I’ll get a few out of the way just so I showed my due diligence.

  1. Yes, they can stop you. Have you an Apache, A-10 or other gunslinger do a strafing run? Look it up on YouTube. Head on over to LiveLeak if you want to watch the graphic results of these kinds of gun runs on armed people on foot. Point being this is a military research base and they probably have these weapons on standby if not something super-stealthy and laser wielding. Alien tech, remember?
  2. I know this has been said better elsewhere, but there are many much more worthy and less defended facilities to storm and lay siege too. The very real concentration camps, for starters.
  3. There are a lot of Russian trolls and proxy trolls and trolls that the Russians get for free because their entire concept of the world is limited by the screen in front of them and the big box store they buy their cases of energy drinks at. This whole Area 51 stunt shows a clear lack of imagination and is just the sort of thing the lost in translation crowd would go for. So, there’s that.

Now, having gotten that out of the way, let me rephrase what I said in my tweet. Area 51 is for N00Bs. Area 51 hasn’t been newsworthy since the first time it was seen in print. The Area 51 you know isn’t the Area 51 you can know. I wonder if this crowd knows that there are many other test areas in the desert. I wonder if they realize there are several other areas of the United States that are the censored from Google maps because of the secrecy of their programs.

Okay, fine, what about the “hiding in plain sight” kind of camouflage, the reverse-reverse-reverse-psychology that would make Maxwell Smart giddy with cartoon inspiration? Even Bob Lazar admits the real action at Area 51 happens way underground. Now you got me and now we are getting warmer. Yes, there is a deep network of tunnels that spiderweb across the Western deserts. Yes, Area 51 is likely one stop on this vast magnetic railroad.

However, the entire idea of Area 51 is about the same as Universal Studios. This isn’t the real show, but talking about it makes you feel like you are in on the big show. Universal Studios isn’t really backstage and Area 51 isn’t really the core of our exopolitical infrastructure. For that you need to look a few hundred miles to the East or several miles up. Anyway, it’s a joke, sure, but like so many trollish jokes, the entire premise is just wrong. It’s a gigantic shitpost that doesn’t do much on any level. Hell, the Siriusians are probably shaking their heads trying to figure out what to make of it. Probably the same way we feel when a pet dog starts licking its own ass in the middle of the living room floor.

Yep, that happened.

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